Uganda's Ambassador is threatening to abolish the Committee on Conferences and author the draft calendar of conferences and meetings himself.
aired: Thu, Aug 13, 2009
Newsroom : Advocacy Group Decries PETA's Inhumane Treatment Of Women
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Tue, Jun 2, 2009
Rep. Iscoe warns gays will give penises to lesbians who will give them vaginas so that homosexuals can marry and continue their attack on the American family.
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aired: Tue, May 26, 2009
Girlfriends' spokesperson Kelly Ambrose joins us in the Financial Fallout Shelter to discuss why Boyfriends moving in with them just makes fiscal sense right now.
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aired: Thu, Apr 30, 2009
Uganda's Ambassador is threatening to abolish the Committee on Conferences and author the draft calendar of conferences and meetings himself.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Tue, Apr 14, 2009
From the Onion Prison Channel: Prison analysts warn rising inflation could devalue everything from rim jobs to shivs.
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aired: Tue, Apr 7, 2009
Play the free demo now at CloseRangeGame.com.
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aired: Wed, Mar 25, 2009
Steel Hawk Inc. is offering a full refund to customers who bought the non-flesh-shredding bullets.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Feb 26, 2009
Celebrity watchers attribute the exorbitant price to the incredibly low demand for any news about Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Feb 19, 2009
The U.S. is considering sanctions against the Eastern European nation if it does not reduce the number of unsolicited offers for Viagra and replica handbags it sends.
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aired: Thu, Feb 5, 2009
Our Tech Trends reporter looks at the new gizmo Sony promises will revolutionize the way consumers become infuriated by goddamn blinking TV box things.
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aired: Thu, Jan 8, 2009
Community members who didn't burn to death are struggling to accept the devastating loss of so much premium fuel.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Tue, Dec 16, 2008
Critic claims The Weather Channel shamelessly overreports stories on hurricanes and weekend forecasts at the expense of other news.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Dec 11, 2008
Across the country, aunts and stepdads are braving crowds to get their hands on the perfect gift for the relatives they barely know.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Tue, Nov 18, 2008
The pardon assures that Libby will not face any more repercussions for his role in the Valerie Plame scandal or be eaten on Thanksgiving.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Nov 13, 2008
At a press conference today, the AGU announced it will not even acknowledge Mike Greenman until he begins dressing better and loses some weight.
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aired: Thu, Oct 30, 2008
Rescue crews have been working day and night to free the former first lady, who has been unable to extricate herself from the sand.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Mon, Oct 13, 2008
In this installment of Beyond The Facts, a precocious 8-year-old girl participates in grown-up politics by spreading smears and lies.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Tue, Oct 7, 2008
Experts advise that anyone venturing outdoors should be on the lookout for extremely crunchy leaves and winds as high as 12 mph.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Sep 4, 2008
The sudden drop in demand for "Buck Fush" T-shirts and "Hail to the Chimp" posters could leave millions unemployed.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Tue, Aug 19, 2008
Texas residents are relieved that the deadly Category 5 storm just missed them, destroying a horn-shaped land mass beneath them instead.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Aug 14, 2008
Residents took part in rituals like picking through the charred remains of their homes and feigning shock that this could happen to them.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Tue, Aug 5, 2008
The Chinese government explained that the fatal disease is caused by the excitement of the Olympics, not infected birds, as was previously reported.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Tue, Jul 22, 2008
Interviews with Alzheimer's patients indicated that an overwhelming majority are, in fact, perfectly fine.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Tue, Jul 15, 2008
Despite ethical concerns about testing on humans, researchers say their work was necessary to determine the boundary between garbage and food.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Jul 10, 2008
Pausing only to eat, the West Highland white terrier yips and yelps 24 hours a day, according to neighbors.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Tue, Jul 1, 2008
The threat of nuclear war hangs over the region with no end in sight, just as it has for the past three decades.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Mon, Jun 23, 2008
Unless Americans turn to alternative sources of entertainment, the 'Hannah Montana' star will soon be completely tapped out.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Jun 12, 2008
A recent survey of children found that they are overwhelmingly opposed to increased doctor visits and vaccinations. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Tue, Jun 10, 2008
High school theater's brightest stars gathered last night to see who would take home the coveted award for Most Awkward Kiss. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, May 29, 2008
After years of experiments and tens of millions of dollars, scientists have finally created a sheep that thinks and acts like a goat. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, May 15, 2008
As the wreckage from today's tragic crash continues to smolder, one can't help but think of the accident that took the life of the People's Princess. More coverage at: http://onion.com
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aired: Tue, May 6, 2008
The Onion News Network's Brian Scott reports on a popular new Gap clothing line hand-sewn by children overseas. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Wed, Apr 30, 2008
A new study finds that having sick friends may improve your physique. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Mon, Apr 28, 2008
Is that compliment real or not? A new report tells you how to know the difference. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Tue, Apr 22, 2008
The Department of Transportation reports gridlock can be eliminated by simply honking your car's horn. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Apr 17, 2008
A survey by the Shuttleworth Research Center found that the majority of male roommates ages 18-24 got wasted off their asses the previous evening. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Wed, Apr 16, 2008
Time Magazine's eagerly anticipated annual list of the 299 million least influential Americans hits newsstands this week.More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Tue, Apr 8, 2008
New security measures put in place to allay terror fears are threatening to drive suspicious package retailers out of business.More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Mon, Apr 7, 2008
In this Onion News Network special feature, our soldiers stationed abroad remind us there's still a war going on. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Wed, Apr 2, 2008
Media speculation is rampant over what exciting action sequences and romantic subplots the hikers may be experiencing if they are still alive. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Mon, Mar 31, 2008
A Colorado-based Christian charity is providing aid for any and all heterosexual Africans in need. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Wed, Mar 26, 2008
An Al Qaeda representative says that claims the U.S. government was behind the attacks on Sept. 11th are demeaning to Al Qaeda. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Tue, Mar 25, 2008
271 are dead after an Onion News Network Special Investigative Report on airport security. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Wed, Mar 19, 2008
China revels in a UN report that found it has the highest smog levels in the world, a sure sign of China's progress and prosperity. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Wed, Mar 12, 2008
Girls between the ages of 8 and 14 spent the day helping their parents fight insurgents and defuse mines. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Fri, Mar 7, 2008
A shocking new study finds U.S. children lag far behind their international peers in subjects like rifle assembly and mine defusing. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Mar 6, 2008
Hospital officials hope to locate the good Samaritan that dropped off a sack of human organs in the middle of the night so they can thank him. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Mon, Mar 3, 2008
As Queen Elizabeth II becomes the oldest reigning monarch in British history, we take a look at some of her most significant waving moments. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Wed, Feb 27, 2008
Repeatedly stabbing monkeys with sharpened objects may have an adverse effect on their health, according to a new study. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Wed, Feb 20, 2008
Gen. McBrayer discusses how valuable homosexuals are, and why we must never put their lives at risk by allowing them in the military. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Tue, Feb 19, 2008
The Department Of Transportation unveiled a new mandatory safety system designed to protect American drivers by keeping Nick Nolte off the road. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Wed, Feb 13, 2008
The United States gave billions of dollars in aid to the wealthy European principality of Andorra, which it mistakenly assumed was a poor African country. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Feb 7, 2008
Websites like Match.com allow sad, lonely women all over the country to invite pain and rejection into their lives with just a few clicks of the mouse. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Tue, Feb 5, 2008
Tragedy was narrowly averted when a stray bullet bound for singer Beyonce thankfully struck and became lodged in a passerby.
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Tue, Jan 22, 2008
UN officials confirmed that Hotel Rwanda star Don Cheadle funded the genocide in Darfur for the purpose of starring in a film about the tragedy. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Jan 17, 2008
A group of country music's biggest stars have a message for terrorists: you can't hurt America by blowing up New York City. More coverage at: http://www.onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Jan 17, 2008
Onion News Network anchor Brandon Armstrong argues passionately for the existence of flying cars. More coverage at: http://www.onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Jan 17, 2008
Officials in California dedicated the Folsom Dam Memorial, which will honor the nearby residents that will die when the faulty dam fails. More coverage at: http://www.onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Jan 17, 2008
Breaking News, officials confirm that all online data has been lost after the Internet crashed and was forced to restart. More coverage at: http://www.onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Jan 17, 2008
Bloomington, IN police say they have absolutely no information about a missing college student. Alan Fisher investigates the possible rape. More coverage at: www.onion.com ... missing girl news the onion
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Jan 17, 2008
Modesto, CA residents turned out for the city's annual Ninja Parade, where no ninjas were seen for the 30th year in a row. More coverage at: http://www.onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Jan 17, 2008
Nothing can stop Carl Wainwright from doing what he loves best -- performing surgery on the human brain. More coverage at: http://www.onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Jan 17, 2008
A professional wrestling "fan" has written a shocking new book that claims wrestling fans are actually paid actors. More coverage at: http://www.onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web
aired: Thu, Jan 17, 2008
Experts are still trying to determine the effect of the concentric circles on the long squiggly green objects located in the blue area. More coverage: http://onion.com
Matching Episodes From The Web