Couples Fighting Styles: The Low Level Attacker
Also known as the passive-aggressive, these individuals nag, whinge and whine to get what they want. Fearful of confronting relationship issues head-on, they prefer to be sarcastic. Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall gives her advice on dealing with the low level attacker.
-
Step 1:
-
Description
-
The low level attacker is very scared of confrontation. They will always try to appear calm and reasonable, no matter how angry they are inside. However, their anger will often seep out in sarcasm, biting remarks, nagging, winging and whining.
-
Step 2:
-
If you are…
-
If you are a low level attacker, you need to figure out where you learnt that confrontation was such a no-no. This may have roots in your family experiences, or in your relationships with other people. Many people fear that once they access their anger, it will get the better of them and they will lose control. But remember, you have been incredibly controlled for years, and are very capable of controlling your anger. A useful tip is to imagine you're in a restaurant, where if you have a complaint it is perfectly acceptable to be assertive. When you're arguing with your partner, it's that assertiveness you're trying to access - not anger.
-
Step 3:
-
If your partner is…
-
If your partner is a low-level attacker, you need to help them realise that you are able to cope with their anger. It will be tempting to try and provoke them to lose it rather than put up with their constant nagging, but don't do this. Instead, access your rational side and remind your partner that you love them and care about what they have to say - tell them it's ok for them to be angry and that you would rather have a quick argument to get it over with, then you can look forward to making up afterwards!